


Sadly for both of us

by Bellarke_Stories



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Action/Adventure, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Post-Season/Series 05 AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-11
Updated: 2019-04-23
Packaged: 2020-01-11 20:42:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,603
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18431717
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bellarke_Stories/pseuds/Bellarke_Stories
Summary: Murphy presses his tongue against the inside of his cheek and then opened his mouth. “I want you gone, Clarke. I don’t want to see your face ever again because when I look at you, I remember all the horrible I’ve been through because of you and I can’t even remember why I forgave you in the first time.”Clarke tried not to show how much this hurt her. She blinked her tears back and stood up. “Is that all? You want me to leave?” she pressed, earning a nob from him. “Alright. I’m leaving then. I’m done being your punching bag” were her final words as, she turned around, grabbing her backpack.Or the one where Clarke had enough of Murphy and snaps and the only one thinking clearly is Bellamy.[UNFINISHED FIC BUT WORKS AS A ONE-SHOT IF YOU WANT TO READ IT]





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello everyone! It's been a long time since I wrote anything. I was feeling very rusty while writing this but I was soooo inspired and WANTED to finish it so... Anyway, at first I thought I will just write a one-shot but I got a lot of feedback on tumblr (where I originally posted it) and I want to write so more! Hope the first chapter is enough to get you hooked up for what comes next. 
> 
>  
> 
> Warning: I don't know where I'm going with this fic but being a writer that loves fantasy and action and adventures, let's say that a new planet that we know it's not like Earth, is a great blank canvas. If you know what I mean... ;)

It’s been an hour since the group decided to make a camp for the night and Clarke made sure to look busy until the fire was up and they all sit around it. But even when that was done, Clarke took out her sketchbook and a pen and started drawing things they saw on their way, not really feeling like talking to anyone. Besides, they were clear about her place in the group, she’s the doctor they might need and that’s all. 

 

If she didn’t need the light from the fire to draw, she would have sit somewhere farther away from them, already feeling tired of the way they treat her. Well, everyone except Bellamy. Only he treated her with respect and forgave her for what she did to protect her kid.The rest of them act like they know nothing about her and she needs to earn their respect to let her in their family. Which is not entirely wrong but she didn't think it would have been this bad.   


 

“Clarke?” she hears him say and suddenly shakes her thoughts away, not even realizing she turned to look at him. He gives her a sad smile, “Are you okay? You were… staring…” he presses his lips together with concern.

 

Clarke dropped her gaze on her sketchbook again, avoiding the eye contact with him. “Yes, I’m sorry- I didn’t mean-”

 

“Don’t worry, Bellamy. She’s fine” Murphy interrupted her and Clarke closes her eyes, knowing very well that she won’t like what he’s going to say. You can't blame her, she;s being going through that for a whole day now. “She’s probably trying to draw your picture now that you’re alive so she can have something to remember the next time she betray us and-”

 

“Enough, Murphy!” Clarke yelled with eyes wide open. She couldn’t believe that it was her that stopped him. She dropped her sketchbook next to her and turned to him, “What do you want from me huh?” she leaned forward, “Do you want me to say that I’m the bad guy? That I don't care about you guys? That I only care about Madi?”

 

“Clarke…” Bellamy tried to stop her but she didn’t even turn to him. 

 

“No, Bellamy. Stay out of this” she told him without looking at him. Her eyes are locked on Murphy, sitting between Emori’s legs. “What is you problem, Murphy? Why can’t you just say what you want to and get over with it?” 

 

From the corner of her eyes she could see Bellamy shaking his head to Murphy, warning him to not reply to her question. But she had enough of this and she will end it right here and now. 

 

Murphy presses his tongue against the inside of his cheek and then opened his mouth. “I want you gone, Clarke. I don’t want to see your face ever again because when I look at you, I remember all the horrible I’ve been through because of you and I can’t even remember why I forgave you in the first time.” 

 

Clarke tried not to show how much this hurt her. She blinked her tears back and stood up. “Is that all? You want me to leave?” she pressed, earning a nob from him. “Alright. I’m leaving then. I’m done being your punching bag” were her final words as she turned around, grabbing her backpack. 

 

She only took a few steps away from the camp when someone grabbed on her backpack, causing her to be pulled backward. At first, she thought it would be Murphy, probably ready to say that this backpack wasn’t her and that she should leave it behind, but as she turned to face him, she came face to face with Bellamy’s horrified eyes. 

 

She stared at him, “Let go, Bellamy” she pulled at the backpack but his grip was tight on it. He opened his mouth to say something and knew that she can’t hear it, so her only option was to cut him off. “Fine! You can keep it!” she shacked it off her shoulders, leaving Bellamy’s hold on it to be the only thing that prevents it from falling on the ground. 

 

Breaking their stare, she turned around to leave but again, something was holding her from taking another step. “Clarke! Will you stop, please?” he begged and only then she felt his hand holding her wrist. 

 

She kept her back on him as she let out a sigh, closing her eyes to calm her heartbeat. “Let me go, Bellamy” she warned him in a low tone that probably only he could hear from where they stand. “Let me go.” she said louder this time when his grip on her only tightened. 

 

“Yeah, let her leave, Bellamy. It’s the only thing she’s good at. Leaving people behind.” Murphy said from behind them and without thinking it, Clarke turned ready to go kick his face only to be stopped by Bellamy’s chest. 

 

“Hey-” he let go of her hand only to hold her back by the shoulders, “Don’t-” he plead, struggling to keep her from going after Murphy. 

 

“Why? So that our friends don’t hate me? Of wait, they hate me anyway!” she yelled at him and regretted it immediately. This mess was nowhere near being his fault, yet again he’s paying the price. “Give me one reason not to break every bone of his body!” 

 

“I would love to watch you try” Murphy was too quick to say but Clarke ignored him. 

 

“Because I’m asking you not to!” Bellamy said then equally loud, making her focus on him for the first time tonight. She stopped fighting him and took at step back, straightening her jacket on her shoulders. 

 

Bellamy swallowed, “And I’m only asking you that because I know you would regret it later” he explained, dropping his hands to his sides. 

 

“I’m not staying” she looked him in the eyes and said it, hoping that he will accept it and let her go. “I can live with you guys not forgiving me for wanting to keep my kid safe, but I’m not gonna just stand and let you abuse me verbally and emotionally” she went on without actually wanting to say these things, show her real emotions. She’s sure he can see the tears forming in her eyes but again, she holds them back. 

 

“I can’t let you leave Clarke. We know nothing about this planet. You won’t survive on your own” Bellamy pressed.

Clarke laughed at that, “He said to the person who survived on a dead planet for 6 years on their own...” 

 

“This is different and you know it” Bellamy said instead, “Besides… You shouldn’t have to do that on your own in the past and you shouldn’t have to in the future either.”

 

“Please, Clarke. Stay with us. Do it for me…” he tilted his face with sadness, “If you leave now, I-” he pressed his lips together, “I don’t think I will be able to forgive you for leaving again.”

 

Clarke looked him in the eyes, not knowing what to say, how to argue with that. And then Bellamy said something that twisted a knife in her hearts, making hard to breath, “I can’t lose you again…” he said in almost a whisper, as if he can’t even say these words in this order. 

 

_I waited for you to come back for 6 years_ , she thought to herself, _the thought of seeing you again was what kept me same and_ _I don’t want to lose you either_ _but…_ that but was always what haunted her in her dreams. 

 

Finn loved her _ but _ he broke his heart. 

 

Lexa loved her _ but _ she left her to die in Mt. Weather. 

 

She didn’t want Bellamy to be the inside man  _ but _ she let him anyway. 

 

She didn’t want to leave  _ but _ she couldn’t stay either. 

 

She didn’t want to be Wanheda  _ but _ she had to. 

 

She didn’t want to make that list  _ but _ it was their only choice. 

 

There was always a _but_ and it made everything so complicated, always leaving her wondering if she did the right thing or not. Is leaving now the right choice? She didn't know _but_ it certainly felt right.   


 

Maybe she survived these 6 years so that she would be here now and face her demons, pay for the things she did. Maybe the treatment she receives from the others is what she deserves, what she owns to the people she killed, to the people that believed in her to keep them safe and she let them down. 

 

When she came back from her thoughts, Bellamy was still there, staring in her eyes like she’s the only thing in front of him, like she’s his last breath. She took a deep breath and dropped her tensed shoulders. Breaking eyes contact with him, she leaned down to pick up her backpack and threw it on her shoulder. 

 

She heard him call her name, his voice breaking even more everytime he said to repeat it and she was thankful that he didn’t follow her this time. She had almost walked far enough for the fire’s light not to reach her when her feet stopped. 

She felt like her head was going to blow up, everything- she was thinking about _ everything  _ and nothing at the same time. Her heart clenching with pain and her hands shaking from the tension she felt. 

 

Then, she let go of the backpack. It fell on her feet and she just stood there, staring at the darkness of the forest in front of her. 

 

“Clarke?” Bellamy called her again and it was something in his tone that cut deep in her chest. Her knees gave up under her and she hit the ground, supporting herself on all four. 

 

“Clarke!” Bellamy said again and she could only hear his boots hitting the ground as he ran to her. Clarke lifted a hand up his way, “Don’t” she told him, “Leave me alone” she begged him, hopping that he would respect her wise. 

 

When she didn’t hear him walking to her, didn’t hear him walk away either, she dropped on her side and hugged her legs to her chest, burying her face between them and finally letting go of her tears. She tried to keep her sobs at bay but she’s not aware of what she’s happening to her now, she has no control over her body or mind. If they see her or listen to her crying, she doesn’t care. She just needs to let go. 

 

* * *

 

Bellamy was standing only a few feet away from her, in seconds he could be by her side, to give her a shoulder on cry on. But with her hand extended his way, showing him that she doesn’t want him any closer he feel trapped. 

 

Every muscle of his body twisted to go hold her in his arm when she fell on the ground but his feet wouldn’t move. He just stared at her as she started crying, hugging herself and for the first time, he didn’t know if he could really help her. Not because he didn’t know how, but because she wouldn’t let him in like she used to. 

 

He didn’t know for how long he had been standing there, looking at her crying on her own and him not able to make a step forward or back. It was Echo’s hand on his shoulder what broke that spell on his body. 

 

“Give her time” she whispered to hims and hugged him from the side. “Come on, we all need to rest” she took his hand in her and gently tugged him towards the group. He only let her take him back for a single reason. He had a few things to say to one of his friends. 

 

As soon as he was close enough for Murphy to hear him but also for Clarke not to, he glared at his friends. “Insult her one more time Murphy, and I swear to god, I don’t care that you’re shot, I’ll punch the shit out of you” he threatened him and sat down next to Echo, holding the glare for a few more seconds before looking away. 

 

It took them a few minutes of silence but then the rest of the group went back to small talks. Bellamy didn’t though, all he did was to stare at Clarke’s back, her side unsteadily rising and falling as she cried all alone. 

The only time he paid attention to what they others were saying was when the announced they will go to sleep. He said goodnight to everyone except Murphy who still couldn’t look in the eyes without getting angry. He almost lost Clarke today because of his stupid selfishness. 

 

The last two awake was him and Echo who kept caressing his hand the whole night. She gave him a squeeze to get his attention. “Hey, go get some sleep, I will keep watch” she whispered against his neck where she was resting her head ever since he sat there. 

 

“I’m not tired” he admitted lowly, “I’ll stand watch, you get some rest.”

 

“Bellamy, you need to-” Echo tried to argue but Bellamy turned away to stop her. 

 

“Don’t-” he asked her, “Just don’t say anything…” he brought their intertwined hands up and kissed the back of hers, then stood up and went to sit against a fallen log, grabbing his rifle on the way. 

 

He didn’t turn to see what Echo did after that, being a little selfish, the only thing he could think of was Clarke. This position was perfect. He could clearly see Clarke from there and still be very close to the rest of the group and Clarke if anything unexpected happened. 

 

Next thing he knows, he’s staring at the blue sky. His neck feels uncomfortable and only then he realized his head had fallen backwards. Groaning the soreness away, he brought his head forward and rubbed the back of his neck. He was staring at the ground between his legs when he realized how bright it was. It was already morning. He fell asleep and- he snaps his head up, eyes immediately traveling to where Clarke was laying last. 

 

_No one_. He finds no one and his feet are lifting him up without a second thought. He opens his mouth to call for Clarke when from the corner of his eyes, he sees something white falling from his lap and on the ground. 

 

He leans down and picks it up. In one side he sees a drawing of the triangle rocks they passed yesterday. Turning it around, he felt sick before even reading the message. 

 

_ Sadly for both of us, _

_ I can live with you hating me. _

_ I’m sorry but I couldn’t say. Again...  _

_ Goodbye, Bellamy. _

_ Take care. _

 

She didn’t even sign the letter. She didn’t have to. Something inside him broke and it feels like nothing and no one will be able to fix it. Not even himself.


	2. Writers note

Hey guys. Sorry for making you think this fic got a new chapter. The truth is that I was never good at keeping up with multichapter fics and I seems like this one is not an exception... 

I'm really sorry but I want to tell you that I don't think I'm going to continue this fic with another chapter. It's true that I have a few ideas but I can't bring myself to write and I don't want to push myself to do that. Thank you for the feedback and for reading. Again, I'm really sorry.

Have a good day :)

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for sticking to the first chapter until the end! Hope you liked it :) Any kind of feedback is welcome!!! Also, you can find me on tumblr at @bellarkestories! Come and say HI if you want!! :)


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